Can you please start with your name, age, and where you were born?

My name is Robin. I’m 36, soon to be 37 in March, and I was born in London, England.

In terms of generation, race, ethnicity, and gender, how do you identify?

I identify as a white male.

Where is your hometown?

My hometown is in England. It’s a small village called Halsey in Bedfordshire, about 40 miles north of London. I currently live in Los Angeles, but to be honest with you, I don’t really consider this home; it’s just a stepping stone.

When did you move out here?

I moved here with my wife in 2011 because she got a job at a talent agency. She dreams of being a writer and director, so we came here so that she could pursue that dream, which she has accomplished.

What was your childhood like back in England?

It was actually very good. I had a great family that I grew up with — brother and sister, my mom and dad — every-thing was good. I had lots of friends and family around me. I have no complaints about my childhood. I’m still in touch with my family as well. They’re all still in England. So I don’t get to see them much, but we talk a lot on the phone — at least twice a week — so that we can keep in touch with each other.

Do you ever visit England?

No, I haven’t been back [since I left]. Yeah, I don’t know why; I keep coming up with an excuse not to go back. Instead of going back there, I pay for my mom and dad to come out here so they can have a vacation, and then we can spend some time together. But I am planning a month- long trip. I’m probably going in April. I’m going to spend two weeks in England with my family and friends. Then I plan on going to Iceland, Berlin, Germany, Amsterdam, Spain — where I met my wife — and probably another place I’m forgetting. So it’s going to be a month-to-month-and-a-half trip.

It’s my dad’s dream to go to Iceland. I don’t understand why he’s never been because it’s like an hour or two-hour flight from England. So, I’m going to surprise him when I get there with tickets, the hotel, and everything. We’re all going to go together. I’m looking forward to it.

Are you close with your parents?

I’m close with my dad. I mean, I’m close with my mom, but I’m a lot closer with my dad. I don’t know why. I just always got along much better with my dad, and we’ve always been able to talk about whatever, you know? With my mom, I don’t open up to her as much as I do with my dad. I don’t know why, to be honest with you. There’s no reason behind it. I’ve always got along better with my dad — [it’s the] energy.

Do you miss England at all?

The only thing I miss about England is my friends and family. I certainly don’t miss the weather. I also miss the ability to travel — it’s just so much easier and cheaper to travel to different countries when you’re in England.

When you were growing up, what were your dreams and aspirations?

My dream — I remember writing this down in a yearbook. I don’t know what I was thinking, but my dream job was to be a train driver. I have no idea why. I don’t know what possessed me to even put that in my yearbook. But for some reason, my dream was to be a train driver, and I never really followed through with that, obviously. But other than that, I didn’t have many goals for myself; I was just taking each day as it came, you know, and whatever happened happened.

What do you do for work now?

I’m in hospitality now. I got a job nearly a year ago working at a luxury hotel in Beverly Hills. This was my first ever job at a hotel or even in hospitality. I’m quite surprised, and my coworkers are quite surprised that I even got the job because it’s a luxurious hotel, and usually, you have to start at Motel 6 and work your way up. So the fact that I could get in at the top was pretty impressive, and I’m very happy there. It’s good. I really enjoy it.

I mean, all sorts of different people and the stuff that goes on there as well — you wouldn’t believe if I told you — the guests and the type of clientele that come to the hotel for a couple of hours, or just one hour. It’s pretty insane; every day, there is a crazy story to tell.

Is it like “The White Lotus?”

It’s not really like that, to be honest with you. But certain guests that you saw hanging around at the hotel on the last season of “The White Lotus” — those two girls — we get a lot of that. It’s also funny because there are many film pro- ducers, actors, and married people who come for things like that.

How did you get into that line of work?

Honestly, it was on Indeed.com, and I was literally just applying to every job that was hiring. The resume that I sent didn’t even match what they were looking for. I applied anyway, just because the pay was good and it was right down the road from me. A week went by, and then they called me on Friday and said, ‘Can you come in for an interview?’ I said, “Sure. Why not?” I came in and inter- viewed, which lasted about an hour. I met with HR, the general manager, the assistant general manager, and the front office manager all at once, which I thought was a bit strange to meet with like five people for a job interview.

We spent 15 minutes talking about the job and what would be required of me. Then, for the rest of the time, we were just talking about personal things, traveling, and stuff totally unrelated to the job. As I was driving home, I pulled over and sent them an email about how I think I’d be a great addition to the team and whatever. I sent it, and as soon as I sent the email, five minutes later, she called me and said I got the job and asked if I could start on Monday. That was that. It was really cool.

You mentioned your wife. Can you tell me a little bit about your partner and how you met?

I was working for a public transportation company in London, and a group of us went to Spain — Murcia, it’s called — for a birthday. It was like a golf resort-slash-spa-kind-of place, and we went and played 18 holes of golf. On the 18th hole, there was a bar/restaurant, and we all sat down. We were talking, and I noticed this girl behind me with an American accent. I forgot to mention that when I was four, I moved from England to Florida and spent 10 years there. That was a big chunk of my childhood that I kind of left out. But so anyway, I heard this girl talking behind me, and I looked over and asked her where she was from, and she told me [she was from] Florida, and she had lived about an hour from where I grew up.

We just bonded over that and started talking, and this was on the third day of seven. And for the rest of the holiday, I spent all my time with her — our little holiday fling, so to speak. I developed feelings for her in about three or four days. So, you know, we said our goodbyes, and we both started to cry. Then I left, and we kept in touch via Skype. So we kept in touch and talked pretty much every day. And then one day, she called me. I remember her saying that she had just been approved to do a study abroad program in London because, at the time, she was going to the University of Pennsylvania; she got approved for this program to go to King’s College in London. She told me the dates, and I said I’d pick her up from the airport.

I borrowed my friend’s Range Rover to make it seem like, you know, look at my car􀀁 But I told her it wasn’t mine. I picked her up, and we picked up right where we left off. She was studying in London and staying in student housing there. It was probably half the size, or maybe a quarter of the size, of this office — it was really small and costing her a lot of money. So I told her, “Why don’t you come live with me?” This is after just a month or two of us knowing each other. So she moved in with me, and as I said, I was working outside of London, so I got her a staff pass so she could use the buses and take the train for free. So she would commute to London every day from my place. Then the year was coming to an end, and we didn’t want to separate. We wanted to continue the relationship, and the only way that would work was if I came back to America because she still had a year left at college. And you know, there was no way for me to come back because of things like visa issues and stuff like that. So we got married so I could get a visa or green card and come back, and all the paperwork went through very easily — there were no hiccups. So we thought it was meant to be, and now we’re about to celebrate our 15th year together!

How is your relationship?

It’s much better now that I’m sober. I’ll tell you that much, like it’s night and day. Honestly, it really is. And, you know, I’m surprised that she stuck with me through all the drug abuse and alcoholism and all of that, but that just made me realize how much she loves me and wants to make this relationship work. So it’s really good now. It’s the best it’s been in a long time.

How did substance use affect your relation-ship with your wife?

Well, I went the longest time without her even knowing. I hid it very well. I don’t think she would have ever found out if it wasn’t for a friend staying with us. Once she did, it was bad, and she basically gave me an ultimatum. She said, ‘You either get clean or we’re done.’ This was the first time

because there have been multiple drugs of choice — this was with the opioids.

What was your first experience with substances?

My first experience with drugs was actually with [my wife]. It was in London, and it was weed, so, you know, nothing crazy. I didn’t even know what weed was at the time. I re- member someone on the bus [showing] it to me. And I was like, “What the hell is that? Do you eat that? What do you do?” I just never knew what drugs were. I didn’t even smoke cigarettes, you know? [My wife] is very intelligent and does a lot of research on drugs. And she convinced me that weed isn’t like what the general public makes it out to be; there are a lot of medicinal benefits behind marijuana if not done excessively, you know. I did my own research, too, and I found out that it’s ultimately not as bad as everyone says it is. One day, before we were about to go to dinner, I smoked it for the first time. At first, I felt okay, and then we went to the rest- aurant. I just remember thinking to myself that every single person in the restaurant was looking at me, and I was just super paranoid, like insanely paranoid. And I ate a ton of food as well. We had a meal at the restaurant, and we ended up getting it to go because I was just so paranoid. I was just like, I have to get out of here􀀁 I didn’t realize that it was the weed doing it to me because that was my first time. I didn’t know if I was high or if I was just being para- noid or what, so we got it to go. Then we went home and finished it, and I was still hungry. So we went out and got McDonald’s and a pizza — so much food. Then I realized weed made my stomach like a bottomless pit.

And despite all the paranoia and anxiety, I just continued to smoke it. I don’t know if it was because she did it as well, and I wanted to do it with her. I don’t know, but I did it for years and years. One day, I just thought to myself, You know, this just isn’t for me. I never really had a good experience [with] weed. It just pretty much always made me paranoid or anxious. So I told her I was going to quit, and it doesn’t bother me if she’s still smoking. It’s just not for me, and I just quit cold turkey. I don’t even remember how long it’s been. It’s been at least eight, even nine years — maybe something like that. I don’t miss it one bit. A lot of people say that weed was the gateway to other drugs because they needed something stronger, but I don’t know if that’s true or not. So yeah, that was my experience with weed — should I go into other drugs that I’ve done? How long do we have? [laughs]

What was your first experience with opioids?

So, when I first moved to Los Angeles, I got a job in moving and storage. One day, I came to work and couldn’t do anything because my back was killing me. I must have tweaked my back and my coworker said, ‘You shouldn’t have come in. There’s no point in you being here. We need your help. If you weren’t here, we would have had someone else.’ He’s like, ‘Take this and this and let me know how you feel.’ I still, to this day, don’t know what one of the things [pills] was. It might have been a muscle relaxer, but I know the other thing was hydrocodone.

I remember that after about 20 minutes, my body felt brand new, and I was lifting couches all on my own, going down the steps, and [feeling] brand new again. And that was really it for that; I didn’t try to do it again. But then, one day, we were cleaning out someone’s house that had moved out, and there was like a full bottle of opioids there, so I took them out of the trash and kept them for myself. That’s where it all started. I think there were 90 of them, and I went through them like candy. At one point, I took about seven or eight a day, [which] were 10 milligrams.

After a while, my tolerance started to build up, and I just had to keep taking more and more. Then the bottle ran out, and I thought, you know, it was fun. Then I started to go through withdrawal. I didn’t realize what was going on because I’d never been through withdrawal, and I didn’t know too much about painkillers. That sucked — going through the withdrawals. Occasionally, I’d find them at people’s houses again. I would just take them whenever I could, and eventually, I just became addicted. Then I got into a car accident, and the first thing that they prescribed me was the same pills. The doctor prescribed me 90 of the Norcos again, and I would go through them quickly, just because of how they made me feel. They just made me feel brand new. My body has been through a lot of abuse, so I have aches and pains all the time, and to be able to take something and get rid of all that pain, feel energized, and brand new again ... I just wanted to feel like that all the time, which was, you know, probably a bad thing to do. But at the time, I wasn’t thinking about the consequences or the “down the line,” like how it would make me feel or anything like that. I would keep going to this doctor and getting refills. Then, one day, I went in early for a refill — it was probably like two weeks early — and he basically cut me off. So then I would be going to other doctors trying to get pills, and sometimes I was successful. Sometimes I wasn’t. They would just prescribe me ibuprofen 800mg or something. Everything’s tracked now at pharmacies; they can see what doctors you go to and who writes your prescriptions, and I remember going to this one doctor who wrote me a prescription for 60. I went to CVS, and it got flagged, and they called me like a “drug seeker.” So CVS refused to fill the prescription, and they kept the prescription that the doctor gave me and informed me why they would not fill it. At that point, I’d been to every walk-in clinic close to me and multiple different doctors, so I had this long list of providers on my CVS account and got flagged.

I was freaking out, not knowing what to do, so I turned to Craigslist, of all places, and I found a good supplier for a good price. He was reliable, and I could always count on him to come through. I never really had to worry about going through withdrawal or anything because he always had them, you know? He always had tons and tons of them, so I didn’t need to worry about that. I found out he was going to the pain relief clinics and talking to other people at the clinics, and a lot of these people would trade their pills for other stuff. So I decided that I would start going to a pain clinic as well, and I started talking to the people there, and I offered them money to buy all their pills. I was doing that for a while and also selling because I had so many of them [pills] as well. I had friends who I would sell to and try to get some more money back, so I never really spent any money on these drugs because the drugs I sold covered the costs of paying for my habit. I don’t know if this is legal or what — I mean, obviously, it’s illegal. I was selling a lot, and at one point, I think I was making around $10,000 a month selling this stuff, and I was feeding my habit at the same time. So not only am I making a ton of money, but I’m also getting high every day, and it’s not costing me anything. So that was fun. I also met a lot of interesting people — the people I would sell to. I know for a fact that a lot of people that I sold to actually needed them. I saw medical charts, and some of them had cancer, others had other issues, and they were older people — they weren’t kids — they were in their 60s or 70s.

That’s how I fed my addiction. I was also selling weed at the time because my wife and I started a medical marijuana delivery service, so I was growing all of my own weed and selling that as well. That would be my excuse. If someone texted me [for opioids], that would be my excuse to leave the house because I would just tell my wife, “I have to go deliver an eighth,” and she wouldn’t think anything of it ultimately.

That went on for a while, and then my wife’s friend moved in with us. My wife’s a night owl; she sleeps during the day. So, a lot of the time during the day, I would get high, and I would drink and stuff while she was asleep. When this friend moved in, she noticed that I was drinking every single day, and I think maybe she found a bottle of my pills as well. That’s how I [got] caught, and I asked her not to say anything to [my wife], but those two were best friends, so she told her. At this point, I was probably taking 20 to 30, which is a lot, and she told me, ‘You either stop right now or we are done.’ And to me, nothing is more import-ant than our relationship, so I quit cold turkey. I didn’t go to rehab or anything. I just felt like shit for two weeks — not being able to sleep, horrible withdrawals. I wasn’t nauseous or anything; my biggest thing was restless legs. As soon as I would lay down to go to sleep, I felt like I had to move and stretch. It was just terrible, and then [the] aches and pains as well. But after about two weeks, I was pretty much over it, and I haven’t touched an opioid since then. This was probably 2017.

I was surprised that I was able to do it without going to detox or any help, considering the amount I was taking, but I didn’t want to go to an [inpatient] place because I don’t really agree with these inpatient programs, or even outpatient programs, that give methadone to people who are addicted to opioids. So they’re never really clean,

you know?

I wanted to just do it on my own with no other medication, just to be free of everything. I did, and I haven’t [taken opioids since]. Thank God, I never will. Well, that’s not true. I have taken opioids since then, but that was because I got hit by a car. That was under the supervision of doctors, but as soon as I left the hospital, I told them, “No prescriptions, nothing like that.” I was in the hospital for three months, and when I first went in there, I told them, “No opioids. No pain medication.” I broke my leg, my arm, and my foot. They were like, ‘You have to take something for the pain because you’re not going to be able to cope without it.’ So they gave me a ketamine drip, a Dilaudid drip, and then gave me oxy (oxycodone) as well, but the doctors controlled everything. And when I left the hos- pital, I told him [the doctor] I didn’t want any prescrip-tions. That was the only other time that I’d taken opioids since I quit back in 2017, but my orthopedic surgeon prescribed that, so it felt like it was necessary to be able to not be in excruciating pain.

Can you tell me about your recovery experience? Were there times you doubted yourself?

Yeah, all the time — every day, to be honest with you — because I still had all of these pills, and I just felt like shit.I knew all you had to do was take one, and then all this pain and suffering would go away. A couple of times, I had [pills] in my hand, ready to take them, and I just thought about the consequences of my whole life falling apart, so I was able to resist the urge and just fight through it.

When did you feel hopeful during recovery?

I felt hopeful every day because, from taking the amount that I was taking to taking zero, that’s very difficult to do, and the fact that I was able to do it — every day that went by — made me proud of myself. I felt hopeful that I could do this.

What helped you the most when you were recovering?

Knowing that I’m still going to be in a relationship, and I’m not going to be dependent on these drugs every day just to feel normal. That kept me going, you know?

What did your wife’s support mean to you during recovery?

If it weren’t for her, I’d probably still be doing it to this day. She supported me, and she looked after me as I was going through withdrawal and everything as well. She did find my stash, and she took them away from me. She also called the pharmacy where I would get [prescriptions] filled because I eventually found a doctor and a pharmacy to fill them. She called that doctor and the pharmacy and told them exactly what was going on. So they refused to see me, and the pharmacy refused to fill anything. And my phone, which had all of my contacts, she took as well because she eventually knew everything. Without her doing any of that, I would still be where I was back in 2017, or whenever it was — that whole time is a blur to me because I was just high and drinking every single day. Yeah, without her, I definitely wouldn’t have quit. Who knows where I’d be without her?

Why did you choose to seek recovery treat-ment at KYCC?

I didn’t actually go to KYCC for recovery from opioids; it was for pretty much everything else but opioids. I went to KYCC because I was going out a lot, drinking, and being out 24 hours a day. Adderall, cocaine, and drinking — again, my wife stepped in. She said, ‘You need to stop this, or we’re done.’ So I tried to do it on my own, and the cocaine was easy to quit because I hated it. I don’t know why I did it. To be honest with you, I think the main reason I did it was just because I was out partying so much and to stay awake. But I hate cocaine; it’s a terrible drug. Especially if you’re an anxious person — the fact that you have to put this horrible stuff up your nose and you have to do it every 15 to 20 minutes — I just hated it. But I was doing it a lot because I was going out, and everyone had it and was doing that in the open. Then I started to take Adderall because you take one pill, and you’re good for eight hours. So that was why I started to go to KYCC — cocaine, Adderall, and drinking. I started off going to A.A. (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings to begin with, but at the A.A. meetings, you’re not held accountable. They just go off what you tell them, so I could be out drinking and drugging every single night and then go to an A.A. meeting and say, “Oh, I’m one week sober.” There’s no account- ability because they don’t test, so that didn’t work for me.

My wife told me, ‘You need to sign up for inpatient or outpatient, or we’re done.’ At first, I didn’t want to because I thought that I could do it on my own, and I was sneaking drinks. My wife would breathalyze me, and I found a way to — even if I had been drinking — make it come up like I wasn’t drinking. She would make me do drug tests, and you could just dip them in water, and then they would show up clean, so I would do that. I was fooling myself, and I wasn’t doing myself any favors. It came to a point where I woke up one day and felt terrible, like absolute shit. I just felt rough, and I thought to myself, I don’t want to be doing this anymore, and my wife said, ‘Sign up for an outpatient, or we’re done,’ so I did.

I went to KYCC. They drug test you, and at the time, I was going twice a week, and they would do it at least once a week. I remember the first drug test I did coming up positive for cocaine, and it also came up positive for meth, which I was quite surprised by because I’ve never done meth in my life, and I’d never do meth. It turns out the Adderall that I was doing was pressed Adderall, so it was fake, which explains why I was up for like two days straight. It was just shocking and very scary at the same time, realizing how bad of a position I was in just to be taking random drugs from dealers and thinking this is Adderall, and it’s actually meth. So, when I got the first test result back, I was honestly ashamed of myself. And on that day, I promised myself that I would never do it again, not only for my wife or the clinic that I’m going to, but for myself. I wanted to prove to everyone that I could do it, and I didn’t want to lose my relationship. So, every time I did a test, I still had stuff in my system, but the numbers went down every time. And that’s what happened. It just went down and down. And now, because of

KYCC and going to their outpatient and Won [KYCC Recovery Services counselor], without him and KYCC, who knows where I’d be? And because of — I mean, I know it’s mainly because of me — but because of the help and services that he and KYCC provide, I’m nearly 11 months sober. I haven’t drunk. I haven’t done drugs. I haven’t done anything, and it’s all because of KYCC.

What aspect of these services has helped you the most?

Coming in, talking to Won, and the drug tests. I feel like without the drug tests, it would have just been like A.A. That might work for some people, but for me, A.A. didn’t help at all. The meetings are very religious, and everyone says, ‘Because of God, I’m clean.’ I have no issues with people who are religious, but at the end of the day, it’s not God who got you clean; it’s you putting in the work and doing