Can you please start with your name, age, and where you were born?

My name is Sabrina. My age is 36, and I was born in La Quinta, California.

Could you tell us how you identify, such as ethnicity, gender, or preferred pronouns?

I’m female and Hispanic.

What was your childhood like?

I grew up in a suburban neighborhood, middle-to-lower class. My childhood was pretty good. I was raised by two parents in the same household as my brother. I had an extended family and a good relationship with my family. I was in sports a lot as a child and did extracurricular activities that kept me busy. I was a pretty good student — A’s and B’s throughout elementary and middle school.

Can you tell us about your family?

Growing up, my brother was always the A-student, didn’t get into any trouble, and was a star athlete at school and on the travel team. My mom and dad have been married since they were 18 years old; they were childhood sweethearts. My father’s side of the family was the more troubled side, involved in gangs and substance use, and my mom’s side was more middle-class American, very strict and straightforward.

What were your dreams or aspirations as a child?

I wanted to be a singer. I really liked Selena. I idolized her, so I wanted to sing. I was in the choir all through elementary and middle school, trying to achieve that dream.

Do you have any interests or hobbies at the moment?

It’s pretty weird because I’m still trying to figure that out. I like playing with my children. They’re into sports right now, so we do sports a lot. I like art — street art, graffiti art, and tattoo art — that kind of thing.

What are you passionate about?

My number one passion is being a good mother to my children and trying to be an example of how adversity has changed my life for the better. Eventually, I want to start my own nonprofit to help the community in the ways that I see we need help.

Can you tell me about your family life and your kids?

I have two children. One is 12 and the other is 4. My 12-year-old — her father isn’t in the picture. He’s incarcerated. He will be incarcerated for 25 years, so there’s that dynamic. Then, my son’s father passed away from an opioid overdose. My parents are still in my life; we live with them right now. It’s a pretty decent-sized house. We all have our own space, and my parents are really close to my children.

What was your first experience using a substance?

Growing up, I always struggled with my weight. My family would always make fun of me for being chubby and fat, and at school, I was bullied for my weight and things like that. It ostracized me and made me self-conscious. So when I was in high school, I believe it was my freshman or sophomore year, I didn’t have too many friends. But I did make friends with this one girl. I was telling her that I was struggling with my weight and I wanted to lose weight, you know, so all the boys would like me. I couldn’t become popular. She introduced me to meth, and when I was 15 years old, I tried my first hit of meth. Then I was addicted.

How did you feel when you first tried this substance?

I felt really good about myself. My parents never talked to me about drugs and tried to keep me away from my dad’s side of the family, which had substance abuse problems, so I never really encountered any substance use in my life. I didn’t know what I was getting into. Of course, you know, I had the school classes or whatever — “Don’t do drugs!” — but I never really understood the consequences. And I think if I did, I didn’t care at the time. At first, I felt good about myself because I was losing weight. But at the same time, I also felt like I knew I was doing something wrong, and I felt ashamed for my family. Then I ended up getting depressed, and I just kept using it to mask that.

How easy was it to access substances?

Oh, it was super easy. I had that one friend who was already doing it, and she [introduced me to the person who] was selling it to her. It ended up being the guys in my neighborhood — the gang that controlled the substances. And then, because I found that link, I started getting into the gang culture as well. It was pretty accessible for me at that time.

I was using it on a pretty regular basis, every day, all day. Then, I found myself stealing and selling just to support my habit. I was just doing too much for my own health, and the first repercussion I saw [from the drug use] was with my health.

Once I started when I was 15, I [used] for about a good year without stopping in between. In that year, I had a lot of unfortunate scenarios happen to me when I was high on meth. I was sexually abused. I was not going to school because I was embarrassed that I was high all the time.

Then, after that year, I remember my first attempt at recovery. My parents had started noticing me changing a lot physically and mentally, and I was running away and having relationships with older boys. They put me in a psychiatric holding facility for youth, and that was their first attempt to help me. I was 16 at that time.

What was your motivation for your initial recovery journey?

There was my father and my family, knowing that I was a disappointment to them and finally understanding how much of a toll the drugs were taking on me — that I was about to lose my family. My dad gave me an ultimatum; he said, ‘If you don’t stop and you don’t get your stuff together, then we can’t have anything to do with you anymore.’ So that made me stop. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing my family over drugs. I got pregnant with my daughter a couple of months after I stopped using, and from that point on, that was my motivation. But then I slowly realized that, after she was born, I needed to be my own motivation.

What were some obstacles you faced while you were considering treatment?

The obstacle that I faced was that I was very young when I got put on a psychiatric hold. Come to find out, years later, after understanding everything that happened to me, it was because my family was trying to figure out what treatment center to send me to. So, an obstacle would probably be that I was very young and didn’t want to stop using yet. I didn’t have that willpower, and I still wanted to use drugs.

What kind of treatment programs did you participate in besides those that your family members were trying to send you to?

The first one was a psychiatric code. The second one was a 12-step treatment center for youth. Then, the third one was more of a behavioral health curriculum rather than substance use, so I did the 12 steps with N.A. (Narcotics Anonymous) and rehab through that.

What was the hardest part about recovery?

The hardest part was not being able to do normal teenage things because these places are like low-level jails. For the first 60 days, you can’t have any contact through the phone, you can’t write any letters, and you can’t communicate with the outside world. Naturally, as teenagers, those are the things we strive for — to have friends and a community around you and your family for support — but I didn’t have that, so that was a barrier.