Can you tell us your name, age, and where you were born? 

My name is Elide Garcia. I am 30 years old. I was born in Los Angeles, California, and grew up in the Pico-Union district, where I still live. 

How do you identify?

I am Hispanic and of Mexican American [descent].

Please tell us a little bit about your family.

I grew up in a two-parent household until I was 12 years old. There was a lot of machismo in my home, so my dad eventually got put out by social workers. It was either ‘He leaves, or the kids are going into the foster care system.’ I am one of four siblings: I have an older sister, an older brother, and a younger sister. We grew up very sheltered. My dad was very protective. If we went out, we had to call him almost every hour. After he left, we kind of went wild and did whatever we wanted.

Was this protectiveness mostly toward you?

It was toward the whole family, but me in particular. Everyone in the family recognized me as [my dad’s] favorite child. I’m the third child.

Did you have a close relationship with your siblings or mother?

I only have a close relationship with my sister now, and not too much with my mother. 

Who was your role model when you were growing up?

My role model when I was growing up was my older sister. In my teens, it was my therapist. My teen years were very hectic. I started gangbanging at the age of 14. I was in and out of juvenile halls. Before I was 18, I had already spent at least three years incarcerated, back and forth [out of juvenile detention centers]. I was a probation kid, so I always had to check in with my probation officer monthly.

Because my father was gone, I didn’t have a lot of structure, and I didn’t respect my mother enough to listen to her. She was freed from my dad as well, so she kind of went into this phase where she was clubbing with her friends and taking care of herself instead of prioritizing our needs.

Do you think things would’ve been different if your dad hadn’t left?

I definitely feel like I would not have been able to take the path that I did. If we didn’t listen to [my father], we were beaten into it. As a child, I used to hate [substances]. I used to hate alcohol because my dad would fall asleep, and he used to make all these broken promises because he was too drunk. I had some sips of beer out of curiosity when I was probably 8 or 9, but I didn’t like it much. I started using substances after he left.

During your childhood, was there anyone in particular you turned to for support? 

[I’d turn to] my best friend, who was also going down the same path as me, and my boyfriend, who later died, for support.

Did you have any dreams or aspirations growing up?

I wanted to be a lawyer. I don’t want to be one anymore because things are very black-and-white in a court setting. It’s either “yes” or “no.” I feel like there are a lot of external factors that play into every single individual’s life. You can’t just put a [lens] on a person and be like, “Well, there’s no exception but this.”

When in life have you felt most alone?

[I felt most alone] when initiating recovery this [most recent] time. I feel like things had to get really rough and shit had to hit the fan for me to accept everybody’s help and stop trying to rely on my own will. I do a lot of praying now.

When was your first experience using substances? 

I was 13 when I first drank alcohol, 14 years old when I first used marijuana, and 15 when I started using heavier substances. My preference was ecstasy.

How were you introduced to drugs?

My gang friends. I wasn’t peer pressured at all. I think that I still would have taken the alcohol route [no matter who my friends were] because alcoholism is ingrained in my family. Every single one of my uncles drinks, and my father drank too. Alcoholism is definitely part of us.

With the heavy substances, I’m not too sure. Marijuana, ecstasy, the occasional experimentation with crystal meth or cocaine ... Before there were dispensaries, there was a plug [drug dealer] on a corner we would just get it from, you know? I was going to school [at the time]. I actually came to school here in this building when it was the Metropolitan Skill Center.

Are you working now?

I am. I work at Uplift Recovery in Pasadena as a tech. I’m a registered substance abuse technician and am going back to school.

Did other students use substances, or was it just within your friend group?

A lot of the kids that I went to school with [used substances]. We would smoke in the locker area before going to P.E. We would take water bottles with alcohol in them to school and stuff like that. It was very normalized.

How often were you using substances, and did anyone know you were using?

[I was using substances] daily. A good portion of my family knew I was using. In my friend group, everybody knew. My father was not okay with it, so I tried to hide it from him as much as I could. I tried not to go around him when I was under the influence. My mom wasn’t okay with it, but, like I said, I didn’t respect her enough to actually care. Whenever I was home and consuming, I would just lock myself in my room.

Do you think one substance affected you more than the others?

Alcohol affected me way more because when I was completely drunk, there was no telling what route it was going to take. I was either going to have a great time and be this social, jolly person, or go deep into my emotions and snap at people. It all depended on who I was with.

Can you tell us more about your experience using substances, particularly marijuana and ecstasy? 

I consumed ecstasy for two years on a daily basis — more than two pills a day. I always liked school, regardless of everything else I did, like gangbanging and all that. But during that period, school lost my interest. There was really no other thing that I could think of besides getting high.

How did these substances make you feel? Did they each make you feel something different, or would they all be the same?

Ecstasy took me out of reality, even if I was worried or in my [feelings] about something. It was hard for me to understand that my dad was very hands-on [when I was] growing up. Even though he would beat the shit out of us, he would plan family activities. He would take us to Disneyland and all these other places. My mom was hands-off. It was like she was freed of her responsibilities. That was something I didn’t understand, and I didn’t really feel good about growing up. Ecstasy took me out of that difficult time.

How did these substances change your everyday life?

I started feeling discouraged about human connection overall, having abandonment issues, not wanting to connect with other people, and cultivating good relationships. At that time, it was like, They’re all just going to leave eventually. So I didn’t put effort into anything besides gangbanging and consuming. I became angrier when I started using substances. I became very impulsive.

Did anyone notice anything new when you were using substances?

My therapist. I was forced into therapy by the probation department. It helped once I stopped fighting it. One day, [my therapist] just said, ‘Do you want to talk about what’s going on and why you’re so angry all of a sudden?’ Then I just came forth and told her, “I’ve been getting high daily — way more than I should be.” I realized [I had a problem with substance use] in adulthood after my third DUI.

Did anyone reach out to help you?

My mentor at school [reached out]. She knew about my substance use because she could relate. She was the one who suggested I go into recovery. She grew up in the ghetto gangbanging as well, so she snapped out of her professionalism and was like, ‘Listen here, bitch. You’re going into recovery, and this is what you’re going to do.’ For the first time ever, I listened. I was 28.

What has been your worst experience using substances?

My worst experience using substances was being around my very beloved brother, who died while I consumed alcohol and allowed him to use crazy quantities of crystal meth. I watched him go into psychosis, not being able to help him yet, not choosing to take the substance from him. 

What or who motivated you to start your recovery journey?

What motivated me to start my recovery journey was ultimately my children — not remembering experiences I had with them or not bonding with them because I was hungover. I wasn’t in the mood to be around them.

Are you close to your children? 

I am. I’m their only parent. Their dad lives in Skid Row (Central City East). I do not have a good relationship with him.

Was there someone who motivated you that you did not expect?

My mentor, because we’re from two different gangs. My brother and my cousin as well. My brother passed on January 10, 2023, and my cousin passed on January 11, 2023. Their deaths took a big toll on me. I didn’t know that there were centers dedicated to helping addicts. I didn’t know there were residential settings where people could go or that Medicare [would cover their stay].

If I had known, I would have tricked my brother into [getting treatment] and still have him here, but that’s not the case. That definitely was the reason why I wanted to get sober. Now I have two nieces who don’t have [their father]. That’s a permanent situation for the rest of their lives, when we could have thrown him in rehab as many times as he needed.

Can you tell us more about your experiences in residential treatment programs?

The first time that I did a substance abuse program, I did it through Eggleston in Irwindale. That was outpatient, more like individual sessions, and it was three months long. I was able to stay sober from alcohol after completing that program for about six months, and that was in 2018. That was court-ordered, so I wasn’t there because I wanted to get sober. I was just complying with the court requirements.

After that, I kept getting high and drinking, but I convinced myself that it was now like a reward system since I went back to school. I was a single mom, so every time that I got something done, I excused that with my substance intake. I deserve a blunt. I deserve a bottle of champagne. I just didn’t know how to stop. Once I had a blunt, it kept happening.

When I was 28, my parents started attacking my mental health. I’m the only one in the family who ever accepted therapy and came to understand and believe in it. I understand that we have to heal from all that traumatic shit that we have had in our lives. They don’t really see that. They’re like, ‘As long as you’re able to work and breathe and you have two feet and two arms, you can work and just get over it.’ This is very common, especially in the Latino community.

After that, I went to [Las Encinas Hospital], which is a mental health facility in Pasadena. After Encinas, I was with Clinica Romero and completed their outpatient program as well. I stayed sober for about eight months, but then I relapsed. This last time, I went into Socorro CRI-Help on July 8. There were no external factors besides my mentor and my kids that influenced me to do it. I’ve been sober since June 17, 2024.